Stop it, I scold myself repeatedly.

Before each interview I conduct, I remind myself to keep from straying and stay focused. It’s a tough proposition because I’m the extroverted writer who works from home and doesn’t get to talk to people.

Typically I interview business owners about their story. These people have graciously allowed me to quiz them in exchange for getting their story in print. I shouldn’t waste their time with my opinion on the article I read on the bus on the way over – on the state of digital marketing – or the awesome meal my wife created the night before: baked white fish with grilled pineapple and herb-dusted asparagus spears: yummy. They also probably don’t want to hear me complain about yet another cyclist that I saw who wasn’t wearing a helmet AND had no light or reflective device.

Well, they’re going to get a little of that because I’m only human, and I need something to break the ice: to put them at ease and get the conversation flowing.

There’s the key to the interview: conversation. While it’s okay to think in terms of concentration – staying focused and speedily gathering the relevant information – there has to be a natural flow to the interview. You need to take the time to relate. I believe no one wants to talk to a journalist who can’t relate.

Conversing is relating, and relating means taking the information offered by the interviewee and connecting it with something tangible from your own life. It can happen like this: “I hear what you mean about staying late to get a job done. I’ve done that more than a few times.” I would follow this with something that drives the interview forward, such as: “Can you tell me about a time where you succeeded beyond expectation because you put in the extra effort?”

The idea is to get your interviewee thinking about a scenario that they might not have otherwise considered. Here’s a true scenario I learned about recently when I took the time to delve into a merchant’s background: This business owner (I’ll call him Joe) knew of a company in the U.S. that was about to miss a major deadline because their long-time service provider suddenly went into bankruptcy and couldn’t do the job. Joe heard about it and called them, and promised to do the job even though he knew it meant overtime for his entire staff.

I’m glad Joe shared this anecdote because it’s exactly the kind of attention-getting narrative that I want in my story – which of course is Joe’s story. My job is to make him look good and this certainly helps.

It’s tough to unearth this kind of information when you’re stuck on concentration mode and have pushed aside the conversation. Conversation is about the back-and-forth talk, not just extracting information. I’ve found you get better and more detailed information when you set the tone of a comfortable conversation. Does it take longer? Maybe. But it’s always worth the effort.

For me, the interview conversation is about the willingness to share something about myself. I’m comfortable doing this and don’t mind taking the time. As I see it, I’m not wasting time. I’m getting to the heart of the matter, listening thoroughly to what’s being said and giving a little bit in return.

And who knows: maybe at the end there’s a bit of time to talk about my delicious dinner, even if it’s just briefly, and even if it’s on my way out the door.