In the neighbourhood where I grew up in West Hamilton, there was a charismatic kid a few years older than me named Steve Lewis. I feel safe in using his surname because I have only positive recollections of him. He was a popular guy who was fortunate to have perfect hair for the times: it was longish and straight and was feathered perfectly in the middle.

The one thing that Steve could do better than any kid we knew was talk to parents. He didn’t talk down to them; he actually carried on conversations with them. I don’t recall the contents of these conversations but because of them, parents liked him and trusted him. My mom knew that if we – my brother Rob and I – were at Steve’s house (where all the neighbourhood kids congregated) everything would be okay. It always was.

I don’t know what became of Steve. He’s not on Facebook, as far as I can see. What I remember about him specifically was his knack for making direct eye contact with everyone he met. He had no airs about him so eye contact came easily to him. He followed it up with talk that was relaxed, casual, polite and positive. Unlike a lot of the other kids, Steve rarely swore.

There’s a reason that I’m thinking of Steve. It has to do with a long Skype conversation I recently had with a marketing professional. At the end of our conversation, she said it was nice to speak with someone who liked Skype, because many people don’t want the direct eye-to-eye contact that comes with the territory. I said I actually prefer it.

Later, I thought more about peoples’ distaste for this type of personal interaction, and how easy it is for all of us to hide our true selves in this age of anonymity and digital personas. Worse, many actually prefer to camouflage who they really are. (Or, is that just my perception?)

I thought of who I knew that makes really good eye contact. I couldn’t come up with anyone whose story I could frame in an interesting way until I recalled Steve from the neighbourhood, circa 1977. Back then it was much tougher to conceal who you really are.

Almost 40 years have passed since then and I’ve come across a lot of good communicators who aren’t afraid to look you in the eye. They do it when they’re complimenting you on your good work and when they’re telling you what you just did wrong. Then, they look at you to make sure you understand what they just said. Then they await your reaction. I can’t say for sure what they’re looking for but I think it must involve eye contact … the great acknowledger of what was just said.

Simply looking at someone is the best way I know to give them the impression that you’re listening to them and are interested in them and in what they have to say. It’s got nothing at all to do with being “gifted” at communicating. It’s about effort and interest. This applies to all interactions including conversations with clients and customers, business meetings, job interviews, media interviews … and talking with your grandmother.

Steve Lewis might have been the most interesting kid I knew when I was little. He always made an effort to communicate and he always took an interest, in everything and everyone, it seemed. You could see it in his eyes. That’s the funny thing about eye contact. It tells a lot about who you really are.